God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971) Introduction: In our journey through life, we often encounter situations that challenge our desires for control and certainty. When faced with obstacles, two common responses arise: surrendering and giving up. Although these terms may appear synonymous at first glance, they possess distinct meanings and implications. This article aims to explore the difference between surrendering and giving up, examining the desire to control the unknown to find safety in certainty. We will draw on insights from a verifiable psychology study and the perspectives of well-known personal development personalities. Understanding Surrendering and Giving Up: Surrendering: Surrendering involves an active choice to release resistance, acknowledge limitations, and embrace the present moment. It is an act of acceptance, allowing us to let go of our attachment to specific outcomes and relinquish the need for control. Surrendering is rooted in the understanding that some circumstances are beyond our control, and by accepting them, we can find peace and open ourselves up to new possibilities. Giving Up: Giving up, on the other hand, refers to a passive resignation, often accompanied by a sense of defeat. It is an act of abandoning efforts and aspirations due to perceived difficulties or challenges. Giving up is driven by a lack of motivation or belief in one's ability to overcome obstacles, leading to a sense of powerlessness and stagnation. The Desire for Control and Certainty: Human beings possess an innate desire for control and certainty, seeking to navigate the unknown with a sense of security. Research in psychology sheds light on this inclination and its impact on our decision-making processes. For instance, a study conducted by Dr. Ellen Langer, a renowned social psychologist, explored the phenomenon of perceived control and its influence on well-being. Langer's Study: In her 1980 study titled "Choice and Control: A Study of Illusion of Control," Langer investigated the relationship between perceived control and psychological well-being. The study involved participants engaging in a lottery-style game, wherein they had the option to choose their own numbers or have the numbers assigned to them randomly. The results indicated that participants who had the opportunity to choose their numbers, even though the game was based on chance, reported higher levels of satisfaction and perceived control over their outcomes. Perspectives from Personal Development Personalities: Many well-known personal development personalities have discussed the concepts of surrendering and giving up, offering their insights on the interplay between control and uncertainty. 1. Eckhart Tolle: Eckhart Tolle, a renowned spiritual teacher and author, emphasizes the power of surrendering to the present moment. He suggests that by accepting and embracing what is, we can transcend the limitations of our egoic mind and find true peace and fulfillment. 2. Tony Robbins: Tony Robbins, a prominent motivational speaker and life coach, highlights the importance of maintaining a growth mindset and persisting in the face of challenges. While acknowledging the desire for certainty, Robbins encourages individuals to leverage uncertainty as a catalyst for personal growth and transformation. Conclusion: In our quest for control and certainty, surrendering and giving up represent distinct responses to the unknown. Surrendering involves a proactive choice to let go, embrace acceptance, and find peace amidst uncertainty. On the other hand, giving up signifies a passive resignation and a relinquishment of efforts, leading to stagnation. The desire for control and certainty is deeply ingrained within us, as highlighted by research on perceived control. By drawing on the insights of personal development personalities like Eckhart Tolle and Tony Robbins, we can navigate the fine line between surrendering and giving up, fostering personal growth and resilience in the face of the unknown.
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Goal setting is a powerful tool for personal growth that can help individuals achieve their aspirations and live a more fulfilling life. The practice of setting goals has been a popular topic among self-help gurus and motivational speakers, such as Jim Rohn and Bob Proctor, who advocate for its importance in personal and professional development.
According to Jim Rohn, a renowned motivational speaker and author, setting goals is one of the most important steps to achieving success in life. In his book “The Art of Exceptional Living,” he emphasises that goal setting provides individuals with a roadmap of where they want to go in life and how they can get there. He also believes that setting goals allows individuals to take ownership of their lives and make the necessary changes to achieve their desired outcomes. Bob Proctor, another prominent self-help author and motivational speaker, also stresses the significance of goal setting in personal growth and development. In his book “You Were Born Rich,” he states that setting goals helps individuals focus their attention and energy on what matters most to them. He argues that goal setting creates a vision of the future, motivating individuals to take action and progress towards achieving their dreams. Psychology studies also support the role of goal setting as an effective tool for personal growth. A study conducted by Edwin Locke and Gary Latham in 2002 revealed that setting specific and challenging goals led to higher levels of performance and achievement. The study found that individuals who set clear and measurable goals were more likely to succeed than those who did not set any goals or set vague goals. Another study by Gollwitzer, et al., in 2009 explored the impact of goal setting on motivation and self-regulation. The researchers found that goal setting helped individuals maintain motivation and effort towards their goals. They also found that setting sub-goals, which are smaller goals that lead to the accomplishment of a larger goal, helped individuals break down a complex task into manageable steps, leading to increased motivation and progress. In conclusion, goal setting is essential for personal growth and development. The works of Jim Rohn and Bob Proctor and psychological studies highlight the importance of setting specific and challenging goals to achieve success and fulfilment in life. By setting clear goals, individuals can create a vision of their desired future, take ownership of their lives, and make meaningful progress towards their aspirations. In our modern world, time is often viewed as a commodity, just like money. We prioritise and allocate it based on its perceived value, and we strive to use it efficiently. However, just like money, the way we spend our time can often be inefficient or even counterproductive. This is where the notion of spending time as if it were money comes in.
The idea is simple: you should treat your time as a valuable asset, just like money. Just as you would budget and carefully monitor your expenses, you should likewise budget and monitor your time spent each day. An effective way to do this is by imagining that you are issuing receipts for how you spend your time. What does this mean? Imagine that every activity you engage in during a day comes with a receipt that itemises the time spent. This could be as simple as writing down the activity and the time spent on a piece of paper or using a digital tracking app. The key is to record your time so that you can objectively see where you are investing your time. Once you have issued receipts for your day's activities, you can then review them and assess the value of your time investment. Was the time spent on work-related tasks productive and efficient? Did you spend too much time on social media or other time-wasting activities? Were you able to dedicate enough time to activities that benefit your physical and mental health, such as exercise or meditation? Issuing receipts for your time allows you to identify patterns in how you spend your day. It helps you identify time-wasting activities that are not adding any value to your life and adjust your habits accordingly. For instance, you may realise that you spend two hours scrolling through social media each day, realising that this time could be better spent on more fulfilling activities or eliminated altogether. Furthermore, issuing receipts for how you spend your time helps you be more mindful and intentional with your daily activities. It provides a framework for evaluating your time usage and adjusting your lifestyle to maximise productivity and happiness. More importantly, it empowers you to take control of your time, to become more self-aware, and live a more purposeful life. In conclusion, the notion of spending time as if it were money is an effective way to prioritise and manage your time. Issuing receipts for how you spend your time is a practical and straightforward approach that allows you to identify patterns, eliminate time-wasting activities, and focus on activities that add value to your life, both personally and professionally. So next time you sit down to plan your day or reflect on how you spent it, remember to issue receipts for your activities, and you'll be surprised at the insights you'll gain.
Shawn Achor is a positive psychology researcher and author of the book "The Happiness Advantage." In this book, he discusses the four factors that determine success: optimism, social support, resilience, and mindset. These four factors are essential for achieving success in any area of life.
1. Optimism Optimism is the belief that good things will happen in the future. It is a mindset that allows individuals to see challenges as opportunities and setbacks as temporary. Optimistic people tend to be happier, more successful, and more resilient in the face of adversity. One of the ways to cultivate optimism is to practice gratitude. By focusing on the things you are grateful for, you can shift your mindset to a more positive outlook. Using handwritten thank-you notes is particularly powerful as they show you have made an effort. Additionally, setting “realistic” goals and celebrating small victories can also help build optimism. Don’t shrink your goals to fit your pocket. 2. Social Support Social support is the network of people around you who provide emotional, instrumental, and informational assistance. Having a strong support system is essential for achieving success because it provides individuals with the resources they need to overcome challenges and reach their goals. To build social support, investing time and energy into building relationships with friends, family, and colleagues is important. Additionally, participating in group activities and volunteering can help individuals connect with others and build a sense of community. On a personal note, effective networks take management. As Jordan Peterson notes, watch the people who don’t cheer your wins. Not everyone will. Manage your expectations here as there will be disappointments but the harder you work towards your goal you will learn to discern those who are genuine as you attract your tribe. Your network environment should be a place where values such as honesty and truth can be addressed in an open manner without fear of offence or retribution. Perhaps create a code of conduct. 3. Resilience Resilience is the ability to bounce back from setbacks and adversity. It is a crucial factor for success because it allows individuals to persevere in the face of challenges and overcome obstacles. Individuals can practice self-care activities such as exercise, mindfulness, and meditation to build resilience. Additionally, cultivating a growth mindset, which is the belief that skills and abilities can be developed through effort and persistence, can also help build resilience. 4. Mindset Finally, mindset is the way individuals approach challenges and opportunities. A growth mindset mentioned earlier is the belief that skills and abilities can be developed through effort and persistence. In contrast, a fixed mindset is the belief that skills and abilities are innate and cannot be changed. A growth mindset is essential for success because it allows individuals to see challenges as opportunities for growth and improvement. By embracing a growth mindset, individuals can cultivate a love of learning, take on new challenges with confidence, and achieve their full potential. In conclusion, the four factors that determine success according to Shawn Achor are optimism, social support, resilience, and mindset. By cultivating these factors, individuals can achieve success in any area of life.
“One cannot not communicate”
-Paul Watzlawick- Communication is a fundamental aspect of human interaction. We all communicate in different ways, and understanding these communication styles can improve our relationships and interactions with others. In this article, we'll explore various communication styles and their impact on interpersonal relationships, along with relevant citations. 1. Assertive Communication Style: Assertive communication is characterised by being direct, clear, and confident in expressing one's needs, opinions, and feelings. This communication style is often viewed as the most effective approach in terms of achieving desired outcomes, as it allows individuals to express themselves without being overly aggressive or submissive. According to research by Watzlawick, Beavin, and Jackson (1967), individuals who use an assertive communication style tend to have better interpersonal relationships and are more likely to be successful in their personal and professional lives. It comes from having the facts to hand and having done the SWOT analyses on the subject matter. 2. Passive Communication Style: Passive communication is characterised by avoiding conflict and not expressing one's needs, opinions, or feelings. People who use this communication style often feel like their opinions don't matter, and they may struggle to stand up for themselves. According to research, individuals who use a passive communication style tend to experience higher levels of stress and lower levels of satisfaction in their relationships. This style of communication may also lead to feelings of resentment and anger towards others. Unspoken grievance that is internalised can lead to internalised conversations which can lead to a blow-out or explosive reaction to a perhaps seemingly unrelated issue. 3. Aggressive Communication Style: Aggressive communication is characterised by being overly forceful and domineering in expressing one's needs, opinions, and feelings. People who use this communication style may resort to name-calling, yelling, or even physical violence to get their point across. According to research, individuals who use an aggressive communication style tend to have more conflict in their relationships and are less likely to achieve desired outcomes. Be aware of people not volunteering information or opinions in your company as they may see your style as a personal attack. 4. Passive-Aggressive Communication Style: The passive-aggressive communication style is characterised by expressing one's needs, opinions, and feelings indirectly or subtly. People who use this style may make sarcastic remarks or give the silent treatment instead of directly addressing an issue. According to research by Paulhus and Williams (2002), individuals who use a passive-aggressive communication style tend to have lower levels of trust in their relationships and may struggle with expressing their emotions in a healthy way. In conclusion, understanding communication styles is crucial for building healthy relationships and effective communication. It's essential to recognise which communication style you tend to use and to work on improving your communication skills to achieve better outcomes. Remember, effective communication is not just about what you say, but also how you say it. They great thing about being human is that we can identify what we would like to change about ourselves and develop in that direction. There are phrases that may prevent you taking the first step such as”That’s just the way i am”, “a leopard can’t change its spots” or even “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks”. “If you don't like how things are, change it. You are not a tree.” ― Jim Rohn |
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AuthorHoward Hughes Archives
November 2023
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